Had You Known.....

Strange thought tonight. Came out of nowhere.

Mom, what was your pain like? Did you have any suspicions it was cancer? Did you know at all? Or, did you wonder, in fear as to what could have been causing all those bizarre symptoms? When the dr.'s said it was all in your head, and made you wear pain blocking electronics, were you angry? I can imagine you saying, "I'm not crazy!" Why couldn't they believe you? One simple test was all it would have taken to make a diagnosis.
If you had known you were going to die, would you have lived your life different? Or, was it easier not knowing until the very end that it was terminal cancer? And that you only had a few weeks to live? I wish that I had understood the enormity of what you were going through. I would have spent every possible moment by your bedside. I can't believe I only saw you 3 times, and only for a few minutes each time! I'm so sorry! What was I thinking? How could I have been so oblivious to not realize that you were dying, at any moment?