But, life is full of hard things. We all know that to be true. Being a parent of small children is hard. Time consuming and filled with so many different activities. Like you're being pulled 17 ways at once, and expected to do it all with a smile and a happy song! But, as a parent of adult (over 29) children, our lives are filled with different challenges. It's whole new world, worse than teenagers!
So, I'm gonna get straight to the point on this one.
The hardest thing about being a parent of adults is having to see your child make the same mistakes you did. Watching them with their children. Hearing their harsh words. Seeing the faces of my grandchildren as they sit there and take what they consider, and call "cruelty".
Today, at lunch, I heard the words "It's amazing how cruel parents can be." Now, I didn't hear those words from an adult. I heard them from a child.
I was angry. Yes, angry, at MY child, who is now an adult, raising kids. Angry that, even though I have begged her not to make the same mistakes I did, she is following in my footsteps. I hear myself, my 25-years-ago-self. The angry, hurt self that I once was. The impatient, yelling, hurtful me. I hear that mom saying and doing the very things that I did.
Is this some sort of sick punishment, being allowed to see yourself from a different angle? It's like watching a replay of your life from the narrators point of view. Not the 3rd person objective view, who can only state facts. The narrators view, he who knows what the character in the play is feeling and thinking. I sit there and I watch and listen. And my heart just breaks for my grandchild. I want to make it stop, I want to close my eyes and ears, because it hurts so much to see and hear yourself.
Oh, if could only go back and do things over! If I could go back and do parenting again, knowing what I know now, I would be so much kinder. I would hug more, I wouldn't play favorites. I wouldn't punish my child for their feelings.Yeah, their feelings.
Right now I am at a loss for what to do or say. Probably the best thing to do is to remember that, child or grandchild, they both have feelings that they don't know how to express, issues that they are trying to deal with. So me being angry at my daughter, thinking she should know better because she is an adult, is wrong. What she needs is a hug and a nap, and to know that even though I feel she is wrong, she is still loved, which brings me to a whole other issue. But I'll save that one for later!!
