He Loves Me

He said, "You have no right to ever expect your father to love you. You should never expect that from him. It's not gonna happen. I told my daughter the same thing, that she needs to quit expecting love from me."

These words came from the mouth of my oldest brother. Other than that, I have no idea where these words came from and why he felt I needed to hear them.

My family and I were invited over to one of my brother's house, not for dinner, but just to come over. Considering my relationship with that brother at the time, I was pretty thrilled at the invitation. Little did I know that it really was a set-up of the worst kind. My father and step-mother were there. My oldest brother, who lived in Alaska at the time, was there with his wife. The 6 of them sitting around the table talking, except when I walked in the room. Then it became silent.

I thought it was kind of strange, and strained at the same time. Not a welcoming feeling at all. No one got up to give the customary hugs at all. My 3 teenagers went into the back of the house to see their cousins, as I sat at the dining room table with the rest of the family. Not really sure how the conversation started, but my oldest brother, Tom, seemed to be in control of the event. He was a marriage and family counselor and at that time I had a lot of respect for him. I once even told him, after hearing him preach, that mom would have been proud of him. His sarcastic response was, "Really? You really think that? I don't think so." I was a little perplexed. But, I didn't know him very well, since he was 20 years older than me.

I guess the subject of their conversation was something about the strained relationship I had with all of them. Strained for some VERY good reasons, which I will not go into. But strained is a fair assessment of it.

When these words came out of his mouth, I remember feeling stunned and confused. Never in my life had I heard of such a proposterous idea. A father NOT loving his child? And a daughter having no right to EXPECT him to do so? It blew me away. Like a punch in the chest. I was speechless. This went against everything I was ever taught, against every belief I was brought up with. Still, to this day, I am confused when I think about it. It angers me, it hurts me, and it forever changes the way I look at family.
I always heard that "blood was thicker than water", that "family should come first". After all, that's what I was teaching my children. That when everyone else fails you, your family will always love you unconditionally. That family will always be there for you and be on your side. I taught them that the relationships they had with each other were the most important ones, because you only have these brothers and sisters. If you can't be friends with them, then it will bring heartache for years to come. It's not like with friends. Friends come and go, and you just constantly get new ones, you  recycle a few too.
But family! That's forever!

So, why did I bring this up? Because last night I heard the most incredible thing. I heard these words...

"Your relationship with God, the father, is not based on how much you love Him. Because you can love Him with your whole heart and soul. But if you don't believe that He loves you back, then it's pointless. Your relationship with God, the father, is based on how much HE LOVES YOU. You must gain a true understanding of just how much God loves you. He loves you so much that He gave up his one and only son to die instead of you."

Okay, I have 2 sons and a daughter and there is NO WAY, no matter how I feel about you that I'm gonna offer my kid to die for something you did! Oh sure, I love you and all but HECK NO! It ain't gonna happen.

But the bible is full of scriptures that tell us how God feels about us. And some day I'm gonna do a study on that and make a list to refer back to. I'm reminded of a song by "Jesus Culture" called "He loves us"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps&feature=colike

I will admit that I have based my belief of God's love for me on the example I had set before me from my earthly father. Not the greatest example of love. And after the "intervention" I was pretty disillusioned about love. And I was pretty sure that I was unloveable. After all, if your daddy doesn't love you, and your brothers want nothing to do with you, and your step-mother thinks you are the root of all evil and all the problems in the family....then how could God love you?

BUT GOD has his ways of getting his message through to me. That he loves me SO much that he did the toughest thing imagineable.

(to be continued)

Black Bean Salad/Salsa

Black Bean Salsa

Many people have asked me for this recipe, so here it is!
High protein, low fat, healthy, tasty, full of fiber, addicting salsa.

2 15oz cans of Black beans, rinsed and drained

2 ears of corn, cook and cut off cob

1 yellow or white onion, finely chopped
1 red onion, finely chopped
1 green and 1 red bell peppers, finely chopped

3 cloves of garlic, minced

3 jalapeno's, seeded and finely chopped

1 bunch of cilantro, finely chop leaves, no stems

6 Roma tomatoes, seeded and finely chopped

6 Tbsp of fresh lime juice (about 2 limes)

1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

2 Tbsp Olive oil

1 Tbsp cayenne pepper

Salt and pepper to taste

1 Avocado (optional)

Place all items, except avocado, in a large bowl, as it makes a fairly large quantity. Refrigerate over night. Can be served at room temperature. If you use avocado, the day you plan on serving it, cut into small cubes and gently stir in, being careful not to mash the avocado. Do not add the night before. It will turn brown.

Suggestions:

Serve with tortilla chips as a salsa.
Serve as a topping for your tacos (really yummy)



You may want to use latex gloves when seeding and chopping the jalapeno's. They BURN for hours afterward!! You can use frozen corn if you wish, but be sure to thaw and drain first.