Kids

I can't believe I ever thought that parenting would become easier as my children got older.

Every stage that children go through, from infancy to adulthood, has it's challenges. We made it through the terrific two's, the tremendous three's. We even survived the teen years. When I look back, it was a piece of cake compared to being a parent of an adult.

I have three grown children and 4 grandchildren, all of whom I love with my life. Each one is a distinct individual, with 7 different personalities. That means there are some who are outgoing, shy, moody, loud, quiet, etc. It runs the whole gamut of personality types. Each one needing something different.

As they reached adulthood (18-ish) I began to notice they were definitely pushing the boundaries of independence. And they should. After all, that was our plan as parents, to raise responsible adults. So, the logical thought progression goes like this. They are gonna turn 18, they are going to get a good job and then they move out. Eager to face the new world that lies before them. And we as parents stand on the front porch and wave good-bye with a mixture of joy and sorrow. Then we turn around and redecorate their bedroom!

That's the way I always envisioned it. HA! That's a funny one!

One moved away in a hurry, left the state with no explanation what-so-ever. (But wait! I didn't get to help you pack and reminisce about childhood and figure out what to do with your baseball cards and teddy bears!) Just up and gone.

The next one got married and her brother returned for her wedding day. Such a joyous reunion. After the wedding the youngest announced he was gonna move to another state with his brother (he was just 18). What? Wait a minute! I lost them all (one for the second time) in one day! The day after the wedding my house was completely empty and devoid of noise and laughter. After months of wedding preparations and my kids friends always being there, they were suddenly all gone. My husband cried. I walked through the house looking in empty bedrooms...slowly shutting the doors before going on to the next room.

I could not bear to look at the emptiness. Yet, life goes on. For the next few years I stood by and watched my children turn into adults. Independent and responsible, just like we planned. Becoming parents, buying homes, cars and all those adult things.

It was okay! Then life started falling apart. A girfriend was pregnant, then 2 girlfriends were pregnant. Well, the proverbial monkey wrench got thrown into the equation. One son wanted to be a dad, one didn't. One girlfriend wanted to be a mom, the other didn't. Two emotion-filled abortions later....life goes on. Heartache and worry became the prevelant emotions of the days that followed. As a mom, you know your kids are not "kids" and you don't want to meddle and you want them to make their own lives and decisions. But nobody warned me that it was gonna be so hard to sit back and watch! Why didn't anyone tell me that? All I ever heard was "Love and enjoy them while they are little because they grow so fast and then they are gone".

They are NEVER gone. Never do they leave your heart, or your watchful eye. Never does your heart not break as you watch their relationships struggle and fall apart. Parenting does NOT get easier as they grow up. It becomes harder, infinitely so.

I struggled with regrets, thought about how I raised them, wondered if somehow all this was a result of my faulty parenting skills. My kids say I was a great mom, Dad was the best dad ever! Wow, who were they talking about? I don't remember being a great mom.

I watch now as my daughter has 3 beautiful children, my oldest son has a little boy that he is raising on his own, my youngest is still single. They are all so different from each other, yet each one still needing something from mom and dad.

Everyday it changes, and everyday I ask God what to do about them. He tells me to trust Him. That is my next challenge in life.

Label Makers

Label makers. What a cool concept. Brother offers a label maker with over 50 pre-designed labels. WOW. No more having to come up with categories on my own. They are pre-designed for me. It also has 'recall', for frequently used words. I can also save and print up to 99 of my favorites. What will they think of next?

Have you ever stopped to think of how, we as humans, need to give things a label? Some sort of category that it should fit in. How do we decide what label to give it? Is it based on what it does? Or based on what it is designed to do? Like a stapler. That one is easy. It staples, so we label it a stapler. But did you know it can also be used as a paperweight? Or a hammer? How come we don't call it a hammer? Because it is a stapler, not a hammer.

Why then do we label people differently than we label things? We tend to put people in categories that aren't necessarily what they really are. Let's look at some of the labels and categories we have.

Loser, winner, rich, poor, trash, Deadbeat Dad, alcoholic, black sheep, worthless, good-for-nothing, whore, murderer, etc. You get my point. The list is endless. Positive and negative, we all wear a label. And we have all been labeled at some time or another with names that are not who we really are. Like calling a stapler a hammer. We fell down once or twice and got labeled a clutz, when in reality, we are graceful elegant beings.

Here are some bad things I got labeled with in my lifetime. Shy, fearful, lazy, tramp, drama queen, needy, bossy, pot boiler, liar, hater, player, whore, and so it goes on and on. Every harsh word, every name placed on me, had some influence on who I believed myself to be. Each name, specifically our given name, also has a meaning. My name means "farmer".

In the article, "The Given Names" by Professor G. L.Esterson, it states the following:

"In Judaism, the given name is much more than just a label identifying an individual -- it represents HIM -- his values, his personality, his stance with respect to religious, cultural, assimilational issues, in short, his essence. The given name determines not only the person's character but also his fate, and the name therefore takes on a highly charged symbolic value."

(Interesting how a name determines the character and fate of the child.)

What if....we had the ability to rip off the labels that have been assigned to us that have harmed us, and made us into someone that we are not? Rip off the label of "loser", "lazy", "slacker" and replace it with "winner", "hard working", "productive".

...Oh, but you know, I'm just calling it as I see it! He's never been good at anything. Just last year he was doing this and that....blah, blah, blah!!

WOW! Whatever happened to the possiblity that people can change? That people can grow up and mature and learn from their mistakes? Is it possible to re-label ourselves? I believe it is.

I believe that we can gain a new and clearer insight into who we really are. Or who we were created to be. I believe that we can remove the negative labels that have been slapped on our foreheads by parents, teachers, family, friends, enemies. Isn't it all about perspective? Isn't it maybe about how we perceive ourselves? Is it that simple? No, it's not that simple.

But I would like to challenge you to take another look at the labels on your life, and the labels that you place on others. Can we learn to help each other see ourselves as we should be? Can we help someone rip the adhesive strip off. Like a bandaid, we wear it as a symbol of our pain and suffering. (Wanna see my owie? ummm...no) Tear off the labels that keep you down and replace them with labels of redemption and forgiveness.

Begin to see yourself as God sees you. As precious, lovely, favored, whole, complete, worth far more than rubies.

Try it for a day and see what happens. It can't hurt! I'm gonna go out and buy me a big fancy label maker and start labeling people all over again!